Yes, I may moan, but I wouldn’t change a thing…
I may moan about the serious lack of sleep, why at three he still doesn’t feel the need to sleep through the night I still can’t quite fathom out. I may moan about the mess he makes again and again and I definitely moan when his strops escalate over the smallest of issues but I have a secret to tell you… No matter how hard I moan I wouldn’t change it all for the world.
It’s tiring work waking Mummy up five times in the night
For what nobody else sees is that we have these secret special moments that he saves just for me. When everything is quiet and calm, when he just needs to be cuddled or when we are both in hysterics over something incredibly silly, right there, those moments are it for me, the reason that parenting is worthwhile. It is so easy to moan about the insignificant things, to get worked up in those stressful situations and worry ourselves that our child isn’t the delight that others’ are (not even remotely true, children are stressing their parents in every household in the country!) but at the end of the day, these are just tiny parts of our lives as parents. We didn’t have children to make our lives tougher, we had children to create a new tiny little world of our own; our family. We had children to fill that missing piece in our lives and to bring happiness and laughter into our homes.
Letting our feelings be known during a tough period can often come across as being ungrateful for what we have and I know I save mine up for those closest to me because I can voice these feelings without being judged, but then sometimes I stop and realise how much negative feedback I have given and I don’t tell of these private moments, perhaps because there is a part of me that feels they need to stay just that… private. The times when he only needs Mummy, the times when a cheeky grin can stop my tears, the times when one sentence from that squeaky voice can melt my heart. I’m not entirely sure how kids do it but there are times in the day where I feel as though I could strangle him (I don’t by the way!) one minute and then I am gushing over him the next.
What’s the point in me saying all of this?
I guess I just wanted to vocalise the fact that as parents we are all going through the same thing and even though we all moan – probably far too much then we should – we all know that we would never have it any other way. They are definitely here to test us but then they also develop our own abilities and teach us so much about ourselves as well as providing us with unconditional love.
This is the hardest job I have ever had. I have been in demanding careers, I have worked all hours, I have been stressed and pushed to my limits but my goodness nothing is as challenging as parenthood. But I have discovered emotions I have never felt before, I have seen the world and continue to, through the eyes of my child, I have a person in my life who I would do anything for and I must admit that a lot of this has taken me completely by surprise. These first few years have been a whirlwind of joy, tears, stress and love and maybe it will continue to feel this way?
It has all gone by so fast and I keep trying to cherish every moment… even though he makes that quite tough for the majority of the day! However, I am sure those tougher times will be blocked out in the future because the good definitely outweighs the bad… and my moans will be long forgotten too. I don’t know how my life would have been without Jake but one thing is for sure it wouldn’t be as interesting or fun or crazy or tiring or completely fulfilling.
Children: ‘They have this infuriating way of completely winding you up but also have the ability to make you melt with just one smile.’