Everybody Told Me To Prepare My Child For School… But Nobody Prepared Me!

School.

It was something I was dreading. The main reason being because I knew I was going to miss my boy so much in the week, that, and the daily school run (It was bad enough 3 days a week I couldn’t imagine adding another 2). I’d had my tears at the pre-school concert, I’d cried at the staff members as we said goodbye and I sobbed far too much opening paperwork for school. However, I hid my upset about this big change and put on my big girl pants in front of Jake and got on with being smiley, chirpy Mummy who was ‘super excited’ for him.

I attended 3 school settling in visits with him, I talked to him constantly about what would happen, how we would have to go there every day, I explained that he would need to make new friends and how lovely that would be, I attended 2 parent’s evenings, I did dry runs of the walk to try and find the best route, I got him to master wiping his bum, doing up buttons and zips and practised getting his new school shoes on and off. I did everything I was advised to do in order to prepare him for this next stage in his life…

But then over these last few weeks, something has dawned on me. Nobody bloody prepared me for school!!

In four weeks I have discovered that getting to school on time five days a week is exhausting! Especially when you have a baby in tow and a child who moves at snail pace as soon as you utter the words ‘go and brush your teeth, please‘.

Oh, and what’s with this sleeping in thing on a Monday morning? Errr, Jake, why am I having to wake you at 8am when you have school yet on the weekend you bound into our room yelling at us to wake before 6am?!

I have also discovered how easy it is for the afternoon to run away from you and how infuriating clock watching is. You have lunch, baby has a nap and suddenly you have all of 3 minutes to get the school. 3pm has never come around so fast! Why did it never go that quick when I used to work full time?!

Um, and since when has school involved parents so much?

In one half term, I have already dressed him as a farmer for the day, taken in tins of food for the food bank, taken in a bag of unwanted clothing, there’s been a book fayre, he’s had his school photo, I’ve attended another parents meeting, he’s had a disco and there is now more information flying at me in Parentmail for the next half term!!

Can I quit now, please, because I don’t remember signing up to all of this…?

And don’t even get me started on homework. Homework?!

He’s only 4. Also, I really can’t be arsed bothered.. and I don’t mean that in an awful way, I mean it as in I am so shattered from the above things, not sleeping thanks to this super sleep thief whilst also trying to work from home, juggle the mess and home stuff that I honestly just do not have a.) the time b.) the patience c.) the time d.) the enthusiasm or e.) oh yeah, the time!

The other day I sat down with all good intentions to get his book read and discussed and to look at one of the two websites we had been given. It didn’t go well. Having a baby tugging at your jeans and whining doesn’t help! Nor does the overtired child who just wants to watch kids opening plastic crap on YouTube, sigh.

Also, the homework diary should really have my name on it too and I should also receive gold stars (just saying!)

And another thing…

Do you know what else someone should train you in? Dealing with dropping off a 4-year-old and collecting a 14-year-old. Anyone else seeing this?!

Me: Did you have a nice day hunni?

Child: YEAH, what did you bring me to eat?

Me: Tell me about your day though

Child: NO. I’m hungry

Me: Well, you’ll have to have a snack when you get home

Child: Urgh, why haven’t you brought me anything (arms swinging like Kevin), urgh I’m soooo hungry

Stomps off to car, demands we go home immediately. You’d think he was going to die from starvation on the 2-minute journey home.

Once home

Me: What snack would you like?

Child: URGHHHHH, I DON’T KNOW!!!

Me: a banana, yoghurt, mini cheddars, biscuit…?

Child: Urgh, I dunno (throws himself on the floor)

Me: (hiding in the kitchen stuffing my face with chocolate behind a cupboard door so he doesn’t see)

Also Me: Banana?…

Child: Urgh, no! Chocolate

Me: No, you should really have a nice healthy snack

Child: utter meltdown

Then the crash happens. The tired eyes, the tears, the inability to move from the sofa. I needed an entire week of lessons in coping with mood swings! Although, on the plus side, there is absolutely no argument about going to bed anymore– win!

Anyway, we have almost survived it, just a few more days and it’s half term. I will never moan about half term coming around ever again, bring it on, we are gonna be in our pyjamas until midday and I’m gonna love it!

Now nobody utter the words PTA…

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