Tag: funny

There were some areas of your life that you just used to take for granted before having kids. Strange things which you would never have given much thought to, things which are not areas you would have expected to become your issues in the future but all things that once you may have subconsciously enjoyed. Parenthood opens up a whole new world of daily battles and here are a few of the things that us parents want to be able to do…

 

Pee alone

Why is it that as soon as I stand up and announce I am just popping for a wee the child has to drop everything he is doing to come with me? Do you know that if I lock the door he just stands outside screaming and crying? He’s three years old! I miss peeing with the door shut. Why are they so interested in our toileting activities?!

 

Sleep

Just sleep in general, I really want more sleep. I have experienced the newborn night feeds, the teething wake-ups, the battles at bedtime and the 5am starts. I am now in the process of trying to work out why he still wakes to come in with us at night. I may just resort to buying a king size bed!

 

Walk

Oh what I would give to just be able to walk somewhere and get there without stopping every few moments to look at a tree, or a leaf, or a lamp post or yet another bin lorry (he is obsessed!) And if it isn’t one of those it’s the sitting on the floor refusing to move because of a label bugging him, something in his shoe, he wants to be carried or he just likes to secretly wind Mummy up (I think this is always the answer if I’m honest!) Remember when you could walk and get to the destination in a few minutes? Nah, me neither.

 

Have a bath

Alone… without plastic toys being thrown in at me… without being stared at… without being begged at to get in. It’s MY bath, I don’t need any plastic crap and I certainly don’t need a little person throwing water over my head whilst I am trying to relax. I used to have candles, a magazine, a face mask and maybe a little music, now I get rubber ducks!

 

Watch a programme of my own in the day

After three years of Peppa, Paw Patrol, Bing, Fireman Sam and Mr Tumble, I think it is only fair that TV time gets a little shared out now. Just an hour of This Morning or a quick cuppa in front of Loose Women or even an episode of The Chase, please someone return my sanity!

 

Get around a supermarket without a strop

Oh, the days when a supermarket run used to mean in and out as quickly as possible, without speaking to anybody else and without arguing over what food to buy… remember those days?! Vaguely, I’d say. Now it’s the routinely battle of forcing a tiny contorting body into a trolley, the regret when you give up and let them run around the supermarket like they’ve had 2 bottles of coca-cola before you’ve entered and the stress of yelling ‘watch out for those people’ every few minutes. Why is a supermarket so much fun to them?! And then there are the epic strops because they can’t have the giant Peppa pig cake or the chocolate on every aisle end… you then become that parent who has that kid laying on the floor in the middle of Sainsbury’s – fan-bloody-tastic! All I wanna do is buy the food!

 

Eat my own food

Every meal time this is the scenario- he has his food, he takes forever to eat it, often moaning about eating it and it’s all a struggle. I have my meal and suddenly he swarms around me like he hasn’t eaten in days and regardless of the fact it is practically identical to what he’s just moaned about on his own plate, he is there picking my food off quite happily whilst making ‘yum’ noises. Don’t even get me started on the chocolate… Let me eat!

 

Go a day without a million questions

In the space of an hour this morning I have been asked about 25 questions… I am exhausted. There really is no need to ask why is that can there? Who put it there? Where did it come from? What is it? But why? and so on and so on. Sometimes, son, it is just because and sometimes Mummy doesn’t want to answer all of these questions, sometimes silence is really overrated.

 

Read a book

The last book I read (except for Hurrah for Gin’s hilarious one) was a crime novel when I was pregnant. I never finished it. To be able to take some time to have a hot cuppa and read a book would just be pure bliss.

 

Do you have any to add?

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