If you are a parent you would have most probably noticed by now that some things happen in patterns. Patterns that don’t tend to go well for you or ones that make your life that little more challenging and most of these patterns can be explained by one teeny force of nature… your children. Isn’t parenting fun?! I like to call these patterns the sod’s laws of parenting and here are some examples of the most common ones:
1. You spend ages getting everyone into the car, packing the bags, making sure you have everything under the sun for every ‘just in case moment’ you can imagine and just as you are about to set off you hear the words ″Mummy, I need a wee″… everybody out!
2. You can guarantee that the one time you only pack 1 nappy your baby will have an explosive poo day and you will get caught out.
3. You will spend ages teaching your little cherub how to speak correctly yet sure enough there are certain words that will just keep coming out wrong… simple words like animals will always be anicals. Yet let slip any swear word under your breath and they will master that gem first time!
4. As soon as you start to announce that your child is finally sleeping through the night you can be assured that this will change that very night.
5. Have you noticed that as soon as you have finished a long battle at nap time a delivery guy will bang as hard as he can on your front door 5 minutes later? So many bloody times… sigh.
6. The moment your child learn’s how to open the front door just happens to occur at the exact time you decide to take yourself off to the toilet… suddenly hearing the voice of the postman in your house isn’t a very reassuring moment when your trousers are around your ankles!
7. I’m pretty sure it isn’t just my child who sleeps in on a pre-school day but is up before 6am both days at the weekend?!
8. You will eventually find a meal that your toddler will eat and tells you he/she loves. But as soon as you try to give it to them on another night they suddenly hate this food, scream at you for giving it to them and demand their chicken nuggets again.
9. The one day you walk out the door without the spare clothes bag will be the one day your child falls in a huge muddy puddle.
10. The more you tell your child you are late the slower they will move… fact!
11. You will spend an entire car journey telling your child ″do not fall asleep″ and just as you think you are winning they will pass out 10 minutes from home, just enough of a snooze to ruin bedtime, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
12. When your child seems so ill and you spend the morning debating whether or not to try and get an emergency appointment at the doctor you can guarantee that the moment you book it and they step into that surgery they will begin to play up and run around making you look like some over paranoid parent.
13. It will be sunny all day but as soon as the school run comes about the heavens will open.
14. When you have listened to your child moan since 3 pm that they are hungry you make a wonderful dinner from scratch and become all smug thinking they will eat the whole lot but after 2 bites they announce they are full.
15. After an epic rocking session to get your baby off to sleep, you finally place them down in their cot, turn around and of course step on a squeaky toy that has somehow been left on the floor.
I bet you have many more sod’s laws of parenting to add, I would love to hear them.
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